Infected by writer’s block in the middle of a pandemic
Getting hit with writer’s block is often a major problem for me. My ambition to becoming a fiction writer takes a hit whenever I find myself caught up on it. But, eventually I manage to overcome it, and the rainbows begin bursting from my head with inspiration and motivation brimming. But of late, I haven’t been able to pull my usual breakthrough.
After losing my last job working as a reporter for a newspaper (due to funding issues from lockdown) I initially kept a strong motivation to try to continue writing. Determined and just coming off the paces of working with deadlines and a strong workflow, I managed to push myself. But, that wouldn’t last long and as of now, this is my first writing in months. The world’s crossed over into a new year without having written anything since. It doesn’t just concerning blog posting either, but writing period.
Outside of my posts on Medium, I make an effort to think and write about my own original fiction. As of now I have about five or six stories conceptualized in my head, with a few written down in (ever-changing) outlines. I’ve had most of these concepts trapped in my head back to my days in high school. While I often found myself having to rewrite things as my thoughts and views in life and for the stories have evolved, nonetheless I would find the inspiration to push on and write. Over the years, whenever I would find free time, it would be spared to work on them.
There in lies a major problem however, ironically being free time. What was once a premium because of work, college, and even from being sedated and sick during my days as a cancer patient has become every day, hour and minute. Life itself has become and lethargic crawl as I’ve spent most of my time being shut indoors due to the ongoing pandemic.
While I have certainly had the urgent feelings to write that roused me prior to lockdown, it has become ineffective with too much time to spend.
“I’ll just do it later/tomorrow,” is often the response to my impulses to write. Meanwhile, my time is being devoured scouring the internet, playing video games, and watching television and movies. As the hours pass conduct what has been my every day schedule of that three headed monster, that statement is on repeat.
This brings me to another major issue, momentum. As I’ve stated, life has halted to a crawl. The same thing I’ve been doing from the start of the pandemic, is what I have been doing for most of it. Time has crossed over into a new calendar year with me doing the same thing over and over. It is maddening to think of, and it’s also the momentum which my driving my life. There doesn’t seem to be a definitive ending to lockdown so unless something drastic occurs, I’m more than likely stuck in it for the foreseeable future.
It’s frustrating, as lockdown has also limited me from the options I would normally use to break writer’s block. Often times when I found myself in a conundrum I would go out and drive to the bookstore looking and reading what interested me to use as inspiration or as sort of references as to how I should write certain paragraphs or lines.
Considering the risks of getting infected, and how potentially catastrophic a situation that would be considering my lack of health insurance, I seldom go shopping at all. I’ve seldom left my house, let alone my neighborhood to quell any risks. In the meantime I’ve turned to alternate means of looking for inspiration in the same manner by browsing endlessly on the internet and reading my already large collection of books. But it doesn’t have the same effectiveness.
It’s further frustrating from the standpoint that I like being productive. Getting things done or feeling as if I’m progressing in something is such a satisfying feeling. Henceforth, why video games have taken most of my time during lockdown as they provide that feeling and are the only thing available as I toil in unemployment and writer’s block. It’s that need for productivity compelling me to rant about my struggles in the most productive manner possible, by writing about it.
Despite my negativity and my frustration, I remain hopeful. Hopeful that this productive rant can finally push me into good momentum. Hopeful that my attempts to find a job are fruitful. Hopeful that this pandemic will end sometime in the near future, so I can have more options to break my vicious lazy cycle. With vaccines having their first distributions, some of which to people I know, I can be optimistic at least.
Here’s to hope and optimism. And my dreams which I so desperately want to reach.
